Saturday, March 29, 2008

Be Back soon

I'm breaking my blog silence.

I have no credible excuse as to why I haven't written as of late. I've just been soaking up life, leaving little time to regurgitate in words the events of my days and outrageous meanderings of my mind. I hate to admit when I've lost my "mojo" aka writer's block. But.... sigh.... it's the absolute truth. I have not written a word other than "milk & toilet paper" in over a week. If not for the grocery list, I would be completely devoid of any and all writing. I should probably leave it at that. But the blank page is irritating me.


Life is grand, work is all encompassing and I am absolutely content despite the fatigue of it all.



Wednesday, March 26, 2008

March 26th

Today is Mel's Birthday ! I think it's his 55th but I don't know for sure. He lies about his age. Anyhow, you don't look a day over 54! Happy Birthday Mel!





Friday, March 21, 2008

It's Easter


Did ya know? My kitchen is showing signs of cooking in anticipation for Sunday's feast. I'm actually involved in a "ham cook off" with Miss Nik. We are cooking dueling hams for a crowd - her family and friends. I'm just going for the jelly beans and to see my beloved grand babies. I might eat some ham. Especially mine as it's going to be the superior hock of the day. (Recipe is on Once Upon a Tine and I probably didn't leave out any secret ingredients - apricot jelly). I was relegated to do deviled eggs in mass quantities as I am apparent Queen of the Yolk.




The fish you ask? Are a whole other story. I am going camping tomorrow night but have no time to catch them. So they are thawing, straight out of Costco's freezer. I'll just throw a hook in their mouths and it'll be just like the real thing. They are going to Christen the new Weber. Oh speaking of, I saw the sexiest grill EVER today at some Lawn and Garden type store. It was $499 marked down to $299!! A blue Weber charcoal deal dropped in to a great big table dealybob with hooks for tools and a garbage can on the side and just adorable. Had I been alone, I would have succumbed to impulse purchasing and it would now be mine! But as it goes, Mel was with me and forbid me to make such a stupid purchase. The Jewish in him has saved me a lot of money lately..... But I still want it.


Pizza delivery is on it's way for movie night. Tonight's selection is "Atonement". The couch bed is pulled out and I have freshly painted toes to celebrate the occasion. Every fan in the house is desperately swirling coolness in my direction. It may be March, but it feels like April.



Happy Weekend Readers......

Up all night

I'm unable to sleep for reasons I can't get a handle on. Maybe work stress has lodged a knot in between my shoulder blades so deeply it is stabbing me in to conscientiousness. I've got to learn to have an "end of the day" where I no longer think about it and make time for life.
I've had so much to deal with this past year, and yes, it's now a year. I feel almost guilty that I am finally getting over it. It rolls around in my head and I will probably always wonder why..... But people soften with the stark reflection that comes with loss. It's much more gentle on this side of things nowdays. Even so, I'll be glad....
to take the blame.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A Stream of Random thoughts

I didn't mean to complain recently of my aches and pains and general malaise. Nothing more boring than that. I feel great despite the whiplash induced headache that I am enjoying tonight.
The folks that I rendezvous with three times a week at C-Tech continue to amuse the hell out of me. We all know about Tim, my direct partner. We have ongoing inventory situations as apparently neither one of us can count. I am taking blame here because someone has to. Maureen assures me it's internal problem all the while she is constantly negative about my part in it. Mark, on the other hand, is my constant ally assuring me all is well. Well I know better. I'm just going to continue to do my part even though job security weighs heavily on my brain. It might be time to procure a few more stable contracts.
Vickie had a significant car accident today. Well that makes two of us and as things always happen in threes, beware readers. You might just be the one to complete the cycle. Aren't you glad you are reading this? She's fine despite 2 broken ribs, a punctured spleen and whiplash.
I have to commend Zachary publicly. Zach is 24ish, maybe 25, no more. He is spending his youth backpacking across Europe. This is something we have all heard about but who really does it? He's the real deal. Came back to the States for a few months to make some money and that's where we met. He's here until May 26th when he leaves for his last great jaunt before settling down in Flagstaff to finish college. I'm already starting to feel the pangs of missing him. Days of shoving in light pipes and installing breather bars won't be the same without his comical presence. If I could do it all over again, I would follow his lead to not just live life, but savor the unknown, even if it means sleeping in the dust in India because that was all there was to offer. On the other hand, I am smack dab right in the middle of my own unknown. Lesson learned. I am savoring.



Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Life, Unscripted

The faithful duo of Nick and Zach arrived to do my work for me today as I dashed off to visit Dr. Kildare who confirmed my broken ribs, punctured spleen and lack of good sense resulting from a recent car accident that happened just a day after falling down a flight of stairs. Every day is an adventure! I licked my wounds by shopping in the Biltmore district later on, pretending I could afford anything there while trying to look inconspicuous in Saks with my Payless Shoe store boots. The Bentley parked next to my Toyota gave me away as I made a hasty departure back to my life..

I returned home to my scrambled house and Zach's sense of humor left behind. This crow, found somewhere in the garage is now perched on my kitchen sink making me laugh.

Just another Tuesday..


Monday, March 17, 2008

Size Matters

I have a Hydrangea bloom on my bedside table tonight that I bought at Safeway. Mel and I went there today to kill time amongst food stuff for lack of anything else to do. I wandered the floral department and my nose led me right in to a memory. The intoxicating sweet aroma of a small purple plant. In one smell swoop, it took me back to Indiana and spiraled childhood memories of Lilac bushes and tornado cellars and the farm living that I cherished.
It's the small things of life that have huge impact on a soul.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Mergers and acquisitions

It's time for a few upgrades, starting with my phone. I merged my sim card from the recently wine soaked Slide Phone to the newest sexy model that UPS was so kind to deliver tonight. I'm just looking at the thing wondering if I will ever learn to use it before I ruin it. Chances are, "no". I had not mastered the old one yet. The words of my father in law, Michel' echo in my head to "read the book". Well ya know I'm not going to do that. I am a more of a "trial and error" kinda gal.

Work is semi stalled this weekend due to inventory errors. Which brought Maureen around tonight to deliver the forgotten pieces. She arrived with her usual appetite and thirst. I was able to satisfy one of her needs. Since I was not cooking, we shared a bottle of wine and some poolside conversation. Our friendship seems to be splintered by my divorce as she works with both of us and is now uncomfortable with me it seems. We don't talk about it anymore, but it still lays there between us like a silent ghost no one dares mention. I doubt we'll ever bridge that gap. Another causality of the event.



I have been longing for a new grill. Just a Weber, nothing fancy. My neighbor has been indulging in backyard charcoal cookouts that smell so much better than my boring gas grill. I had to have one just for the satisfaction of building those charcoals into a pyramid and hoping the thing will light. Sitting in my backyard tonight, talking on the phone, I could smell the smell of someone cooking. I went on about how jealous I was about someones damn BBQ. 45 minutes later Paws was letting me know how good those pork chops smelled somewhere in the neighborhood and he was getting hungry. I suddenly realized, "shit, I am the one cooking"! I had put some ground pork on the stove for his dinner and forgot it. I dashed in the house just in time to avert disaster. Flames from his charred dinner were just starting. I was able to put out the fire with a bit of ingenuity (and a pan lid). I am going to burn this house down yet!


He ate it anyway.



I have a new Weber Grill. Did you know they came in a box and pieces? Hmmmm. There it will remain until I can charm some unsuspecting victim (Mel) into putting it together for me.



I am honestly not ashamed of my "Lucy" moments. I'm new at this, I keep telling myself.....




SPRING TRAINING
Mr. Cancer Survivor is getting ready for the season.



Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Yo eleven.......

You know you're a blogger when, you can't eat your dinner until you have taken a picture of it.


I am exhausted tonight, the good kind of satisfied contentment for my accomplishments. Several 12 hour days, a record breaking week for shipments and a 3 hour photo shoot today to get one decent head shot for the newspaper has me shot. But I "got er done".


Jeff Beck and Steve Forbert are the musical artists lending inspiration to my writing endeavours tonight.


Dinner was Greek salad again, in case you're wondering.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Sunset Salutations

Another causality. I fried my cell phone, again. This time with a glass of spilled wine. It slurred it's words most of the weekend and then finally gave up altogether today. Thankfully I have embraced the klutz in myself and had a backup ready to go, be it an inferior little piece of shit that I got for free as I am one of T-Mobile's biggest accounts. I have a sexy new version of Blackberry Pearl on the way complete with video cam! Something new to destroy. I am so excited.


My weekend delivered memories with my Grand Babies. Emma was a challenge as she is smarter than I. Each time she stunned me with something or another, I tried to turn it around on her. For instance, she was tired around 5P Saturday night and said to me" get out of my house. I want my mommy". To which I replied, "I am your mommy's mommy so I'm good enough". This launched us into a discussion of bloodlines. Yes she still two but has a mind of a three year old.


I attended an amazing lecture tonight, my Monday night enlightenment with Professor Tolle. The message he delivers is thought provoking. The crux of tonight's lesson is dissolving your EGO and experiencing life as it's meant to be lived. Being present in every moment and to ignore the ever ongoing, antagonistic, inner chatter of our brain. We are so set on getting to the next moment, forgetting this one. Nothing happens in the past or the future, but only in the "now". The "now" is the foundation for the rest of your life. We are always so anxious to get to the next. The next job, the next week, the next vacation - tomorrow when there is so much more to look forward to. But this moment is the one we looked forward to last week and so on..... The key to the lecture was to be in the present, always. No longer argue with what is, even if it's a situation you don't want. Accept it and you will lose all negativity. Then your actions will take on nonresistance and render peace to your precious days.


I have taken up the habit of consciously enjoying the sunset every evening, especially this time of year when the weather is perfectly amazing. I take this time no matter what's going on. If I am at work, have a class, or am writing - whatever it may be, I just stop.... no matter how hectic my mind thinks my life is, and have a moment with the end of the day. It brings me a great deal of peace.

This feels like.............. life done properly.


Sunday, March 09, 2008

I'm Home


I've been livin out of a suitcase for the last couple of weeks, doing things for those I love. I'm going to unpack my bags tonight and settle back down into my life a bit. I do love my routine, my gardens and especially my home. It's good to be home.




Sunday, March 02, 2008

Paying Life's Rent

I woke up with a teeth gnashing headache and all of it's symptomatic friends that will now go down into the anal's of history as Sunday, the second day in March of 2008. I hate lost days but always look back on them without regret as it's nature's way of handing me an excuse to slow the fuck down and take a nap...... Did I say anal and fuck all in one blog entry?? Damn headache has distorted my decorum.
It's currently 11PM, sans debated bath. I choose various perfumes and deodorant to get along with myself. But truth be told, I think I now smell like a urinal cake.
This all comes on the heels of a very trying weekend that saw me traveling some 300 miles between my home and his and the hospital at 1111 East McDowell to deal with a slight emergency surgery. As it turns out, our dogs presented the biggest challenge in the thing. Forget surgery, who's gonna scoop the poop and keep them in the style to which we have become accustomed? Turned out, it was me. Sometimes the tribulations are the best part of living. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, get a dose of life and enjoy your own misery. The heart of the lesson eludes me. But just the fact that I am aware is teacher enough for today. I'm so fucking tired it's just making me anal...................

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

One more story before bed......

The Cookie Thief by Valerie Cox


A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shops.
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be.
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye."
With each cookie she took, he took one too,

When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought... oooh, brother.

This guy has some nerve and he's also rude,
Why he didn't even show any gratitude!
She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.
She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,

Then she sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.
If mine are here, she moaned in despair,
The others were his, and he tried to share.
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

How many times in our lives,
have we absolutely known that something was a certain way, only to discover later that what we believed to be true ... was not?
Yes, that was for you. Travel well and always share your cookies, you thief.


Politics in a roundabout way

Had a much needed long sit down with Professor M tonight. I've been a bit "off" the last few days to which I attribute to PMS moments (Pardon My Shit). The week, the flu and hormones are taking their collective toll on my attitude. It's not only her extremely educated mind that I cling to but rather her highly evolved spirit that always gets me back on track. We discussed our current personal events and gently argued politics, of which we have opposing opinions. I love debating this subject with her as I can see her side but remain determined to make her see mine. Our respect for one another makes for great banter and lively conversation, which I am always in need of. The conversation evolved to the lastest revolution sweeping the country fueled by Oprah's current book club book by Eckhart Tolle. I was reading this book long before she recommended it so I felt smug to have one up on her.
Eckhart Tolle has been an author I've respected since I read "The Power of Now", but I always found him hard to grasp. However there are passages that speak to me, such as this from that:
One day a stranger walked by. "Spare some change?" mumbled the beggar, "I have nothing to give you," said the stranger. Then he asked: "What's that you're sitting on?" "Nothing, " replied the beggar. "Just an old box. I've been sitting on it for as long as I can remember. "Ever look inside?," asked the stranger. "No," said the beggar. "What's the point, there's nothing in there." "Have a look inside," insisted the stranger. The beggar, reluctantly, managed to pry open the lid. With astonishment, disbelief, and elation, he saw that the box was filled with gold. I am that stranger who has nothing to give you and who is telling you to look inside. Not inside any box, as in the parable, but somewhere even closer: inside yourself.
I find that prophetic as he is trying to say that happiness in living comes not from material substance but rather from within. The evolution of our own spirit is a necessary element to live the life we imagine. His current book digs much deeper into this subject and the fact that Oprah has taken up the cause with her mass audience is retrospective. Just for the fact that so many people are not only reading it but gaining positive insight makes me wonder deeply about the energy of spirit. If a collective group of people begin having these positive thoughts, we can't help but to infect the world. I am a huge believer in the power of positive thinking and how it can affect change. Which leads me to the current political energy. We need change right now and it's going to take a leader that gives people hope. Once hope is established, change is not far behind. I do believe Barack Obama, even though a politician, can establish this change. And so.... there's my endorsement for President.


Monday, February 25, 2008

Martini Days

In a recent writing lesson I was taught to just pound out your thoughts on the keyboard without the analysis of thinking and just go where it takes you. Raw is usually real whereas trying to write results in something scripted. So I am pounding away at the keyboard tonight in hopes I can get there.
I am currently caught up in gratitude for friends and the people that are crossing my path these days. My life has been shaken and stirred recently and it's resulting in a fine blend of spirituality and sometimes harsh realization.
I woke up wondering why bother this morning. Sometimes the daily trudge is heavier than I think I can carry. But I put one foot forward once again. It was a long day and as I have small feet I felt like I was getting nowhere. Work was long and tedious and 12 hours in to it I was lamenting the daunting the task and pretty much feeling sorry for myself for it all. Until Vickie called. She had a bad day and called me for insight and inspiration, as if I had any to give. The simple fact of talking it out and realizing we are all going through the same treacherous journey had huge impact on me. She told me of her fears and I told her mine. She bolstered my confidence and I hope I had the same impact on her. As we hung up I started thinking about the impact we have or can have on another person if we approach everyone we encounter with unconditional understanding. We are all in this human condition after all. Our conversation renewed my spirit and brought me back to the fact that to live this life we have to be observers of it all rather than trying to figure it out. So I stepped back from unimportant daily details and stepped in to the wonder of it all.


Saturday, February 23, 2008

A week in pictures

Booty Call



I met Judy at the Farmer's Market today. Loved her!



Still Car Shopping.......

Mi Amigo' with attitude.



My neighborhood as seen from my front porch in the morning.






Soccer Joy!




DAILY COMMUTE.


Jackhammer







This had nothing to do with me.






Tempe Tim, partner in crime.



My usual blogging has been preempted by the flu. Be back soon.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Confession

Two words...................Big Brother. It's my guilty pleasure. I have a voyeuristic nature to begin with so to have a BB 24 hour feed is like crack to me. I cannot stop watching, much to my detriment. This time of night is writing time, my book that is not, my food column which makes me go ARGHHHHHHH. Those are the things I am supposed to be focusing on after my day at OVF. However...... I am mesmerized by the drama of this STUPID SHOW.
God Bless the distraction. It's just what I needed right now.

Recommendations

The entire crew of Overflow is sick resulting in an early finish today. I am OK with that as I too have the bug and am running slow.


I'm not much of a red wine drinker, but am trying to acquire a taste for different wines to round out the education of my pallet. I bought a bottle of red at Whole Foods last week. Choose it for the label, of course, as I don't know the good from the bad or the ugly. But intend to learn. This wine is called simply "Pomegranate" which sold me as it sounded healthy. I did a little research on this bottle and it seems I made a very good choice. Interestingly enough, there are few places around the world that produce pomegranate wine. There is a winery in Armenia that produces this semi-sweet pomegranate wine. Besides the fruit flavors present, there are predominant flavors of tobacco, cedar, oak and dried herbs. A sweet and interesting blend.



Oh and I can recommend tonight's dinner recipe (posted at Once Upon a Tine). I made a Spannikopita for beloved Mel who is in dire need of spinach. Along with Butternut Squash soup that I tried to duplicate from Tutti Santi's menu

Movie to watch! I rented the movie "No Reservations" from a vending machine in the grocery store. I expected a lighthearted comedy as it got bad reviews, but I really liked it! The premise centered around food, so it was my kind of entertainment. It's not deep but tugged at the heartstrings with the emotions of loss and moving on. I would recommend it on a rainy Saturday afternoon when you have nothing else to do.

Spell checker is working again. Whew.....

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Bits & Pieces











I am currently reading New Earth Awakening to your Life's Purpose.



Total Lunar Eclipse Tonight. It will be the last total lunar eclipse until 2010. It's cloudy in Phoenix tonight. Shit. At least I can say I caught the last one. Blogged it even....

I am sick and lacking appetite and sense of humor. Mel is on his way to try to restore both. Good luck with that.

Big ole powerball jackpot tonight.













Photo of the eclipse courtesy of C.A in Illinois.
Thank you!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Education in Adversity

In a moment of melancholy I sat down at my old desk and revisited my now aging PC. It's been a year since I even came in to this room. Why tonight? I don't know. But it's as if time stood still here. The calendar pad under the keyboard reads March, 2007 the month my world changed. The photograph of my lightening shot over Camelback mountain is still hanging in here. I forgot all about it and really should bring it back into the world. It's a good shot. The desk drawers are littered with long ago forgotten items. White out - nobody needs that anymore. My disc with AOL press, completely out of date but I would use it today if I was still writing websites. A tablet that Phil scribbled some numbers on. Who knows what he might have been calculating. Most likely the number of days until he could leave me. Months have passed but this computer and desk have been frozen in time with his notes in a drawer, the IChing on the desktop and the music he downloaded playing on iTunes. I don't know why it's taken me so long to get rid of this last piece of history. But as it's the anniversary of his "Judas Kiss" I suppose it's apropos now. This will be my final writing on this computer and then the whole thing is getting reformatted. I don't need it anymore.

Life is an adventure in acceptance and forgivness.