Oh Eight..............

I am concluding this year of 2007 that brought on unexpected crossroads. I'm still a bit mesmerized by the reality of sudden finality from where I thought I was going. Having accepted this change with as much dignity and grace that I could muster, I feel I am able to leave the crossroads without the burden of an adjustable-rate mortgage on my soul. I'm not seeing clearly my next step but give faith full credit that it's going to be a spectacular journey going forward.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Last Thoughts

I have to recount something I heard today that had a profound impact on me. I have been suffering from insomnia again which leads to long nights listening to Coast to Coast and NPR. Sometime around 4 AM there was an interview with George Harrison's widow droning on about something that I was not paying much attention to until she started talking about karma, one of my favorite subjects. As I listened, she talked about George and how his spirituality was ingrained in him. Nothing he had to reach for, it was just a part of his life. George believed that at the moment of your death, your mind would be focused on those things that had consumed your consciousness during your lifetime; therefore, he spent a great deal of time in meditation, thinking quietly to God. His last thoughts would be of peace and faith, and spirituality, letting the human experience take a back seat to his deeper self.

That idea brought me back to reality today again and again. As I listened to the small talk in my mind I was aware of my subconscious ramblings. I consciously decided not to dwell on the despair that was this last year of my life, which I am so apt to do. I let go of the fact that Paws has cancer and it is breaking my heart, but rather feel gratitude for our long time together and dwelt instead on his gentle departure. I took a deep breath when thoughts turned to the things of life that don't even matter. The details will always be. My reception of this life is up to me. It was a realization that sharpened my spiritual essence and let my EGO fall away.

I must, in short, take George Harrison’s advice and find things I would be

caught dead thinking about.

Naughty or Nice?

'Tis the season of Christmas and all through the 'hood, Little boys and girls wonder, "Oh crap, was I good?" It's redemption time folks. How did you fare this year?

For a woman that has no Christmas obligations I sure have been busy running around getting things I wanted to give. Shopping all week has been nothing but pure fun and hell on my feet. I have visited every mall from Arizona Mills to Arrowhead. My conclusion is they all have the same stuff just different atmosphere for inspiration.

I called Corey this morning and asked him what Overflow could do for them today. "Nothing" he grunted. "If you can be here Friday we will have work for you to pick up". YIPPEE I had another whole day to find the one item that I thought would be easy but became elusive after all. I went out at 10AM to purchase it just to find every store was sold out. And I thought this was an original idea. After hours of shopping and lunch to recharge at Pappadeaux, I continued my search and found success around 5 PM. Long day but I am pleasantly satisfied. I can't elaborate as the recipient reads my blog, but I'll let ya know if he liked it. He'll like it........

Looking for my Miracle

It's the Christmas season so I expect delivery any day now.

Christmas Party

Bonded by the human experience. We interact with people each and every day, often the same ones, day in and day out. I like to stop myself during my work day amidst the mediocrity and mundane to observe the souls with whom I share my time. This group of people are forever bonded by this experience. Though it will ebb and flow and ultimately end as we know it now, we will never forget it. We are etched in each others memories.

Merry Christmas Overflow Crew.

Our Bowling Ballet: PHOTO LINK

Lead me into Temptation

Photo credit: Jimmy Westlake / Colorado Mountain College

Tonight is the event of the Geminid meteor shower. I am not disappointed. I have been braving the cold for a few hours to watch. I was going to photograph it until my fingers became numb (in gloves)! It's cold. Watching this event tonight is a matter of endurance. I just came in to reclaim my body heat. I'm going back for more. Maybe a little whisky to warm me up inside out......

I have a semi-blind date tomorrow night. I am semi-nervous as I am going to launch into the dating world, finally. Sort of like semi-sweet chocolate. Is it bitter or is it sweet? It's certainly bittersweet for me. I may be down, but I'm not out and I'm a hard act to follow.

Toys

Santa left some RC Helicopters under our Overflow Christmas tree today. It was hard to get anything done. Thanks Santa!

The Gift.....

I was on a mad quest today to find the Jerry Riopelle boxed CD set that was just released. As he is not mainstream, it was only available at ZIA Records or online. Good news. I go right by ZIA at 25th Ave and I-17 every day. So I marched in there this morning, minutes after they opened with my 50 bucks in hand, looking for my copy. I approached the 20 something year old Rastafarian looking boy behind the counter and asked him where I could find it. He pointed his pierced nose straight at me and said, "who"? I had to spell it repeatedly until he found the reference in his computer. He informs me they are sold out and sent me on my way to 19th Avenue and Indian School where one copy remained. I'm OK with that. How many people are out searching for this thing at 10 AM on a Wednesday morning? Apparently more than just me. I get there to learn they have no copies available according to the teenage girl with no fashion sense. She sensed my disappointment and offered to call the Tempe store. And since I was headed in that direction, I was hopeful again. Good news! They have 1 in stock. I've heard that before. My fashion failure clerk asked the store to hold it for me. Whew. I'm in. I arrive at University and Mill after getting hopelessly lost amongst the ASU foot traffic, but nevertheless, find my way there. I don't even bother to go searching because this store is such foreign territory. I decide to cut to the chase and ask the guy at the checkout podium. He to is baffled by my request. Who? These 20 somethings need to expand their musical horizons or at least know what they are selling. He scratches his beanie covered head and agrees, yes, according to the computer, there is a copy in the store. However, since he is alone he can't leave the counter and points me in the general direction of my scavenger hunt. I boldly go to the back of the store where they keep the crap no one wants. I read every CD spine from boxed sets to local artists for the next 20 minutes. With unabashed glee, I spotted it. That lone CD and now all mine. I walked back to the counter and shook that CD with pride in his face exclaiming "success". Beanie was not impressed and said "Uh Huh" and took my 50 bucks, happy to send me away. I am ecstatic. I unwrapped it while walking to my truck. The familiar strains of "Juicy Talk", "Skinny Women" "Home Cooking" and "Take it Like a Woman" with his piano keys pounding out the melody just delighted my soul. It was like revisiting an old friend. Music from the congeries of my memory. It was a sweet gift.

Fractured Candy Canes

Spending the day in a jumble of grandkids puts things into perspective. Nothing like a precocious two year old and a baby's drool to bring back a smile. Emma was set to entertain when I arrived and so we donned Santa hats and spent a giddy afternoon photographing ourselves and eating chocolate chip bread. It has been great to have a day off as opposed to an "off day". I need to spend more time with the kids.

I Guess this starts my New Years resolution list. I am always one holiday ahead of myself. So.....Ahhhhem.... here goes:

1.) Publishing something tops the list, but writing something proceeds that.

2.) Never think of the future. It comes soon enough. I will live each day.

3.) Face procrastination square in the face and conquer it, once and for all. This should be my #1. I could write a whole blog entry on my problematic procrastination, but I will spare you.

4.) Be more accountable to my friends. They are my greatest possessions.

5.) Engulf enthusiasm and live with zeal.

And then there are the usual on the "to do" list, exercise, drink less, get my house in order to sell, clean my garage once and for all, get back into school, spend less money, hike that damn mountain, learn a new word every day, spend more time with the kids.

It's probably best never to tell your resolutions beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. To late. I'll hold myself accountable.

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

Photo Link

On a rant of sorts

I suggest before embarking upon this post, that you settle in with a glass of your preferred hue of wine (or grape juice, if you're still pretending to be on the wagon). I'm warning you: this post is brought on by about by 20% irritation and 80% experience and penned in a moment of nostalgia, that seductive liar.....

I am now ticking down the minutes to end this year, by far the worst of my life. I don't know who I thought I was to be able to escape the tragedy's of life, but I was certain I had it all under control until the unforeseen catastrophic end of my marriage and loss of the only family I have ever been a part of. With the holidays looming I am struggling with the plain truth of waking up alone and wishing my dog Merry Christmas and then doing laundry. I am ashamed that I have not paid attention to people that are alone during the holidays. There must be so many of us. I was always lost in my Martha Stewart themed gift wrapping and perfect hor d ourves. I never gave a thought to these lonely souls, until I became one. People need people and we all forget to look around and see who needs a hand. I will never make that mistake again. Apparently a lesson I am meant to learn. The last hurdle will be this ho ho ho thing and then I can let it all go go go.

I'm mostly optimistic now. I give huge credit to Vickie for being part of the battalion that pulled me out of that nightmare... In the haze of losing myself and finding myself and rediscovering myself, I had forgotten all about the best parts of myself - my resilience, my strength, my loyalty to loved ones, my ability to love, my refusal to give up, even when I came close to that edge. I will no longer be underestimated, first and foremost, by myself. The year has taught me that people are never who you thought them to be. I lost my innocence and a good degree of trust, but gained a courage I don't recognize in myself. That in itself, is the biggest reward I could ever ask for.
Salute'

My kinda exercise

This morning I woke up as usual. I remember it like it was yesterday... I had good intentions but decided to procrastinate like a pro. Didn't get a thing of note done today except for a bit of credit card exercise at Fashion Square. I call Mel from there to join me so we could work out his credit cards too.

The "C" word is on everyone's minds. Do me a favor. Don't remind me. I am going to hop a plane to Denver on Christmas eve and hole up at some ski resort to pretend it's just another day. Bah humbug.

EOM, Tyler K. He's my favorite, don't tell the others.

Hijack

Exploding Christmas Balls

Sunday, Sunday was spent in a wild cleaning jag. The house is screaming, "leave me alone" as I have scrubbed and polished every inch of every surface in a mad frenzy of Lysol and Pledge. It's about time. My mania ceased around about 5 PM when the Christmas decorating bug took over and out came the balls. I just did a little decorating here and a little there, mostly to make Overflow feel festive on Monday morning when everyone will return after a 3 day hiatus. One of my favorite places to decorate is the arch between OVF main and the kitchen. I had it going on, standing in the sinks holding green balls and thumbtacks, I had a plan! The Jewish star was the anchor for the whole creation. I had it almost done to my liking when that damn star protested my Christmas balls and crashed down. In turn, taking the green balls with it, one by one in glorious explosions onto the kitchen floor, much like light bulbs or eggs. That outlandish detonation that cannot be contained. I watched it all in slow motion which provoked a smile as I thought, "of course".

I am simply not discouraged as I expect this according to recent experiences. Everything is a challenge in my life this year. That I get. I am up to it tonight. I just re-installed everything and I am satisfied with the result.
Finally victorious, I have a non-denominational festively functional start to my Christmas / Hanuka cheer.

I'm excited to announce Employee of the Month tomorrow. We are a few days late, since we have not worked. I actually miss my crew which provoked this personality report:

The boys that work for me ...... or rather, the young men that I work with on a daily basis are a source of delight. Their eclectic personalities just infuse this place with a blithesome atmosphere that lingers long after they go.

It's not a secret, Emo is my favorite. Emo is a quiet character. He pays attention to fashion and has well coiffed hair. He regales us with stories of woe that range from heartache to the latest scam he was victim of. Emo is moody and we respect this about him. He's a shopalcoholic that has us all worried. He pays me great respect that melts my heart. He is usually the last one to leave for the day. He is extremely conscientious of his job and it's details. But just when we least expect it, Emo has a burst of intelligence that he has to share, stopping us to all go... hmmmmmm.

Michel has the oddball position of working for me, Mom. So we have a closer relationship than most. The best part of this now is that I accept him completely and have quit treating him like a child. And on the other hand, I think he sees me as the person other than Mom and so we are finally getting to know one another. Michel is my odd man out. Always shows up and never says no, has a work ethic of determination, but takes everything to the limit. Language, food, humor, pretending to work when he is just screwing off - he pushes the envelope to see how far he can go. Michel uses humor to replace uncertainty. He has a kind heart and a bit of vulnerability that is endearing. He is a genuine soul that I dearly love and worry about. He is without doubt, my favorite.

Tyler can just get away with anything. He bowls me over with charm. He is quiet, unassuming, intelligent and just the most impressive young man I have ever met. Tyler is ruthless. I watch him calculate $$ as he is bopping from task to task. The $$ is his bottom line and he is kindly calculating about making sure he gets the jobs that pay. He is not greedy, but smart. He is quite'ish, but opinionated and extremely generous with emotions. When he lets down his guard, his sense of humor falls out. Tyler is the hardest working of the bunch, by far, making him my favorite.

ZACHARY is without doubt, my favorite. He reminds me of my youth and makes me remember how to live life like it doesen't matter. He commands a short story. Zach walked into this venture 3 months ago and I was unsure that I even understood his personality, let alone would be able to work with him on a day to day basis. I gave him a shot only because he is Tyler's brother. He has exceeded my expectations and I embrace his presence in my life with genuine gratitude. Zach is the epitome of careless youth that never once thinks about what someone might say about his outlandish behavior. He simply does not see it and is just alive in his life. I envy his ignorance of how harsh this journey. He will learn and live well. I am sure.

Welcome back Gentlemen. I did miss you.

Blahhhging the afternoon away

I received an early Christmas present Friday afternoon. There is no work ready for me AGAIN so they'll see me on Monday. With an unexpected weekend off and I am spending my Saturday doing exactly nothing and anything I want to do. I ordered a thunderstorm and picked up some movies at the Blockbuster. The slight case of food poisoning I am nursing, acquired at Paradise Valley mall food court yesterday can't even dampen my good mood. So I am finally enjoying my new TV as the thunder rolls. I have tucked myself into a big brown chair with laptop, Alka Seltzer and a host of magazines that were dying to be read. I christened my TV with the movie, "The Ultimate Gift". It was a good movie, one I would recommend for the lesson and a good cry. Be warned though, it is a bit contrived and sappy but does in its own didactic way affirm the value of the spiritual practice of generosity.

I guess I'll spend the rest of the night loitering out in blogland looking for a few good recommendations starting with the Basement Guy's blog. And for a degree of hilarity, this Old Guy's Blog.