On a rant of sorts

I suggest before embarking upon this post, that you settle in with a glass of your preferred hue of wine (or grape juice, if you're still pretending to be on the wagon). I'm warning you: this post is brought on by about by 20% irritation and 80% experience and penned in a moment of nostalgia, that seductive liar.....

I am now ticking down the minutes to end this year, by far the worst of my life. I don't know who I thought I was to be able to escape the tragedy's of life, but I was certain I had it all under control until the unforeseen catastrophic end of my marriage and loss of the only family I have ever been a part of. With the holidays looming I am struggling with the plain truth of waking up alone and wishing my dog Merry Christmas and then doing laundry. I am ashamed that I have not paid attention to people that are alone during the holidays. There must be so many of us. I was always lost in my Martha Stewart themed gift wrapping and perfect hor d ourves. I never gave a thought to these lonely souls, until I became one. People need people and we all forget to look around and see who needs a hand. I will never make that mistake again. Apparently a lesson I am meant to learn. The last hurdle will be this ho ho ho thing and then I can let it all go go go.

I'm mostly optimistic now. I give huge credit to Vickie for being part of the battalion that pulled me out of that nightmare... In the haze of losing myself and finding myself and rediscovering myself, I had forgotten all about the best parts of myself - my resilience, my strength, my loyalty to loved ones, my ability to love, my refusal to give up, even when I came close to that edge. I will no longer be underestimated, first and foremost, by myself. The year has taught me that people are never who you thought them to be. I lost my innocence and a good degree of trust, but gained a courage I don't recognize in myself. That in itself, is the biggest reward I could ever ask for.
Salute'