Coyote Sightings

It's just a common occurance these days......

Franchesca and friends, lots of friends.

March Forth...........

And so as this weekend from hell concludes, I am about to put my weary ass to bed (or couch as it were). I have gathered as much clarity as possible, given the shock, and can feel proud that I can overcome ANYTHING - apparently. For all of your mid-life crisis bullshit or whatever you are going through.... (since you are not being articulate about it), I am left to draw my own conclusions..... I now find myself surprisingly thankful.

I am thankful for this wave of creativity that now swirls in my brain. I have a sad enthusiasm for a new future. I know without doubt, that we will never be the same, but it's somewhat comforting, because we will be better for this. Be alone or together, I am growing by leaps and bounds now. My mind, once content to serve, is now wide awake to explore and learn and move forward in to this scary and exciting new thing. And God Bless this life for it's ever changing reality. As much as you didn't want to get caught up in security, mortgages and settling..... I have realized, it's me that is now evolving beyond all of that.

I have done this. A successful marriage, raised kids and in all 13 years, never a day of regret or longing. As strange as it seems, I consider this a huge success. If this is the conclusion, I can walk away with dignity and pride. For this alone, I hold extreme gratitude!!

P, you were instrumental in my life while you were. The parting of ways makes me wonder what exceptional path now lies ahead of me.

This is all said with deep sorrow but extreme gratitude

I will always thank you for everything, and love you dearly.

Damn the fork....

I was counting on a straight road for the rest of the trip.

P -

I have allowed myself to wallow in this delicious misery for to long now. I know I need to summon up superhuman courage, but my spirit is so broken that, I just don't know where to look for it.

You've already packed your heart and I know it's just a matter of time before you to take the rest of your shit.

I'm not angry yet, but God help you when this emotion arrives - if ever.

I am looking forward to the other side so that I can get in to the deep melancholy for all that has happened. Once there, I hope to find meaning.

I do wish you well.

J -

I've been shopping.....

Christmas in 5 days. I still don't feel it, so I probably never will. I have gifts for Michel. This is fun this year. He is getting a trip to France. So the box to announce the trip contains a survival kit, of sorts. A beret... but of course. And some obvious stuff. And the pista la resistance being, a SPEEDO!! Can't go to Europe and wear big ole' baggy American shorts. HA

For Emma, a wonderful Emma sized wicker rocking chair and I knitted her a cabled blanket to go with it. So she can be warm and "rock on" in 07.

Otherwise, I had lots of "misfits" to surprise with this and that. This is all done. Nothing left for me to do.

The family in general and Phil and I don't usually exchange gifts. We gave up the commercial need to satisfy this trend that has gotten so out of hand in society. We decided years ago to just get gifts for the kids and spend our money on fine food and drink and celebration together. This has taken so much stress out of the holiday. But, this year, something is developing or brewing or whatever. People are plotting and whispering. Michel especially, seems to have done something extravagant on my behalf. (They are so bad at being secretive). AND!!!! Mom and Dad seem to have some plan up their sleeve, even though she made a point to call me - like she does every year - to reiterate that we are not doing gifts. I don't know. The only rule that I broke was to get for Phil a print for his new office of the Port of Marseilles where he was born. But I can cover it up by giving it to Michel to give to him. Oh, and for Nikki and Nate, I got gifts to put under their tree, but they are from EMMA. So no rules broken. He heeee Mom and Dad however, are on my shit list!!! They have blatantly bent some rules. I can tell by the giggles and whispers and secretive phone calls to Michel. Hmmmmm

So maybe in some twisted and/or screwy way, we have actually captured the essence of what Christmas is suppose to be. A surprise, no matter what rules are broken. Nothing expected. No appliances, no clothes, no meaningless filler gifts. But rather, a gift with immense meaning because we just could not help ourselves.

Getting lost in the keys

I have a crazy desire to type. Relentless and whatever ramblings in my head about constant thoughts are like a lava flow that just need an escape. I equate my ambition for the keyboard to the ambition that Billy Joel has for his keys when he is in the zone with songs like: Scenes from an Italian restaurant. It's just a hammering of emotion, whatever the outlet.

Date night, Friday in the year of 06 on December 8th. Gotta work to keep the passion alive lest daily mundulaities take over and warp you heart. (Yes, I just coined that word). I took my baby to Papadeux'. We cleaned up nicely and got into the spirit of the night. They sure have their shit down pat. It was so crowded, we had to circle for parking. But once accomplished we strolled in, expecting a wait, and had already discussed should we sit at the bar or in the outside lounge. However, we were escorted immediately to a front row table.

Merlot & Budweiser

Calamari Mediterranean Style

Coconut Shrimp

Lobster tail, Baked potato

Flawless service. They get my 4 stars ****

The Decline of my Christmas Spirit

I just don't feel it. All of my neighbors are lit up and festive and I am like the "scrooge" house on the block. I am sure the closer I get to 12/25, the more I will be hoping for a LIFETIME Channel moment. But right now, it's just not there.

My Christmas List

Remember what you have in your life to be thankful for, and cherish it. There is simply nothing more to ask for,

except........ maybe:

365 pair of soft, squishy white socks. A new pair for every day in 07.

A tree in my front rocks.

Inspired days, soulful nights, and no regrets.

Books, anything on cooking must have photos. I am visually inspired.

A greener thumb. Mine has gone rather turquoise lately.

Another healthy year with my ever aging, grey haired dog.

.........Of Course

Two Sesame Seeds

Some things are just better left unspoken.And then, on the other hand, just to rich not to speak of.

But when life hands you an obvious "Blog Tagline" you must accept it.

And so, are the circumstances of this moment in the quilt of my life. With humor, I add this patch to my quilt.

Black Friday, or the day after - I can't remember which... Phil is in an obvious and rare pissy mood. Thus noted, I steer clear.

He isn't working because of the forced holiday, so he is trying to occupy his time at home with "things".

But he can't really find shit to do. So he meanders here and there.

Being an innocent, yet amused bystander, I am just doing the usual. And then a sudden burst of him through the door arriving to confront me with some horrid situation, which he displays on his index finger. He has found 2 sesame seeds in his car and adamantly accuses me of eating in his the beloved BMW.

It still invokes spontaneous laughter.

Could there BE better stories in life than that?? One for which he will be held accountable for decades.

God Bless the human spirit :)

Food Anxiety !

What is wrong with me? It's just one meal. And one I have done numerous times, with success. So "why oh why" do I have this stress / anxiety / hyper-chopping / cooking like a fool and baking more pies than anyone can eat mentality?

I blame it on my mom - oh and, thank her for the stuffing advice that hangs on in my psyche from when I am 4-5 years old.

I wish I could shake my "Martha" mentality about all of this. After all, I am feeding Mom, Dad, Phil, Nikki, Nathan and Mike - and Emma, she just doesn't care. The stupid fact is that I feed them every day! Why is Thanksgiving different in my mind?

OK, I am relaxing. Just slap a 30 pound bird in the dirty oven at 5 AM on Thursday and make 7-10 side dishes with 4 available burners and juggle those damn bread rolls after the turkey comes out. Hope I don't forget them, like last year.

EASY

Gottcha'

........sort of.

This is Franchesica.

I need a better camera. And so begins my Christmas list.

... Of Wisdom

WELCOME VICKIE!!

Looking so forward to your insight and meanderings! This is better than drunken emails!

I am stealing an hour during daylight even, to type, as Phil is getting a much needed haircut. After all, it's been seven long days since his last. We are all convinced that not only in he man-orexic, he has also morphed into metro-sexual. But in a good way, if there is such a thing. I am inspired to post "house undies" now that we have it out there in the open. And I will. Something to look forward to.

It's a blessed Friday night and I am flooded with gratitude, just for that fact! Michel just breezed in to regale me with stories of fly fishing in the nearby lakes and bowling humor from last night. Paws is poolside, barking at Buddy across the loop. Buddy is a beagle with grey whiskers that stands on top of a kids playhouse in the yard across the road, barking at all passerbyers, and anyone else that will listen. He's a humorous beast, one that I am sure has commanded many barking complaints and warnings from the association. But regardless, he mans his post, day & night. I rather like him.

And so begins my weekend and slight vacation! I actually feel a shudder of relaxation brewing in my spirit. It's foreign, but I am open to foreign languages.

I wish you socks........

PINK KITTENS

I spent today's thoughts as close to the gratitude latitude as possible. There were moments of ego, but for the most part, I was in the moment. (EGO = Edging God Out)

I was elated today by nothing more than a sound. And that's all it took to center me.

Pomegranates are plentiful this time of year and I have them all over my kitchen. I had an urge for a break from plastics, so I juiced 10 or so and made pomegranate jam. I ladled my labor into hot jars and tightened their lids. Then I went back to work. They sat bright red and happy on my counter. 20 minutes or so later, they began to "pop" as their lids sealed in the sweet jam offering. The continued sound of lids "popping" in a satisfactory way, made me smile. And so went my thoughts.... These little moments ARE life. Not bills or aches & pains or yard work or oil changes or obligation to go vote today. No, it's just a tiny "pop" that is the essence of life.

And so, as I worked the rest of today, I listed in my head the tiny things in life that delight me.

And they are.........

New Socks - when I have the means for indulgance, I will have a new pair of socks every day. There is nothing better than a never before walked upon sock. This is my favorite luxury.

Witnessing a "V" of Geese

Skiens of Yarn

A remembered heartache that echos inspiration

Coyote sightings

Egg Salad

Mailing a package and imaginaging the recipient's unexpected delight

Music and late night blogging

A Democratic outcome

The lingering smell of PineSol after eagerly cleaning the house

A virgin notebook waiting for ideas to be jotted

Imigination

Dark Clouds

Leftover turkey and ketchup

Gerber Daisey's

Lists of things, making lists and all things organized

A "not yet read" Magazine - preferably the cooking variety

Watching Phil smoke in the dark

and My Beloved Dreams (the sleeping kind) .........I am an avid dreamer. Just ask the pink kitten.

The Pink Kitten ......this is my mind. Enlightenment is not far behind

The Promise

FINALLY, FALL

October 27th in the year of 2006...

In the "working on me" department, I simply have to learn to slow my pace. This I know. My days are such a whirlwind of self imposed chores. I know I can do a bit less and take a few more breaks. It's my goal for November.

Family and such is on an even keel. I am still grasping the fact that my husband is human and therefore, flawed. But as Vickie points out, I was in love for 14 years and have just now opened my eyes. It was a good run!!

Michel is 17 on Sunday. I am dealing with melancholy and longing that it went so fast and that I didn't do it better. But I have to be confidant in the person that he has become. And so this year, I accept in my heart that I am letting him go to grow and live.

My company / work is no longer the frantic stress of chaos that was in this past summer. It's a successful hum of steady income and happy employees and opportunity for all that work here. I am eternally grateful each and every day.

The coyote story continues to evolve. The grey one that frightened me last month has now become my distant friend. I have named her Franchescia. I decide she is a "her" because I think a male would be more skittish / preditory towards Paw Paws. But this creature is not afraid of us and actually seeks us out - from afar, but she is there. We have had the pleasure of coming within 2-3 feet of her. When this happened, I apologized and cross the road, allowing her, her space. Yet she follows at a distance. This goes on almost every night. Once I had the pleasure of sitting on Tee # whatever while she lounged close to me. I spoke to her. We chatted and it was an amicable communication. The moment was so close to Nirvana with a beast that is was that night I named her. She made me feel like I was St. Francis, talking to the animals.

Journey's

I am constantly tweaking the details that are my life. I feel like I am "fine tuned", but realize that is is an ongoing journey. And so, I am humble, but grateful for the good time I am making.

Like sands through the hourglass.........

........and so 

Early Fall

Temperatures are flirting with triple digits this 4th day in October. Apparently to remind us where we are living. Just when I break out the pumpkins, the desert has a big laugh. Let's hope this is the last laugh. I am ready for a sweater and AC bills under $400.

Phil is on travel. I am aimlessly functioning, but it feels like I am missing my best friend. My days are hollow until he gets back. Tonight he sleeps in Baltimore. He is sounding weary when last we spoke. Three states, five cities and numerous plane rides are taking an apparent toll. Some Blessed Blue Shuttle should deliver him back to me late tomorrow night.

In his absence I have a line full of plastics (which are now completed, with a sigh of relief - 200 and change). I am manically cleaning out our space in preparation for our semi-annual community garage sale that will occur this Saturday! So, with all of my choosen junk housed in the garage, it is now up to me to sort, clean, price and organize the stuff. The hours it is taking is staggering!

I just hope the profits match the effort.

Just a Thought

She appears to be so contimplative, however, at 17 months, full of energy and Oreos, that apparent "thoughtful pose" was a mere 3 seconds in time. I am grateful to have captured it!

What's on Emma's IPOD you ask?? She is enjoying some Laurie Berkner, the Itsy Bitsy Spider and "I'm the Map".

Stalking the Stalker

As each and every day begins, I find myself wandering the neighborhood just before dawn behind the leash of one Jean Claude Paw Paws Moreau. More commonly known as just PawPaws.

This particular morning was typical and I went along absentmindedly while I played the day's upcoming marquee in my head. I was snapped to consciousness when I realized the coyote, that we used to enjoy seeing, was now our predator! I realized that he was following us just a few yards behind. When I turned to look, he would hunker down as if to hide! As we went on, he continued behind with this hunkering attitude. Now I am alarmed. My practical brain reminds me that the coyote must weigh 40 or so pounds, while Paws is a burley 110 and the "wild-a-beast" is no match. But my reasoning decided that the coyote did not care. And so we ducked in to a neighborhood, hoping the concrete would be enough of a barrier. Well, that Wiley coyote came to the very edge of the neighborhood and sat on the corner, upright and proud, daring us to come by. Needless to say, we were trapped. I grabbed a stick as if........ it made me feel better. During this entire supposed confrontation, Paws is oblivious as he has things to smell. We are saved by the sun, joggers, golf carts and the world waking up that sends the coyote back to wherever it is that he shrinks alway to.

So I began my day today, sans Paw Paws, at 5:30 AM with my camera. I am going to stalk this curious beast until I get to shoot him. He is so bold. And I am relentless. So we are playing an apparent chess game this coyote and I.

Day in ......... Day out

It's currently day out, September 23, 2006. There was a noticeable
shift in seasons today, from summer to fall. It is so slight, but so apparent if you take a moment to notice. The world smells different - all of the sudden. From baked pavement..... to burning wood, kind of crisp and clean and new beginning ,slight coolness, wrap a sweater around and listen to jazz in the dark because it feels so good - kind of change.

AND I AM GRATEFUL

Talking to "DOG"

My inspiration today has been watching these two most innocent souls having a patio chat. These are the moments that imprint my life. She looks at his big animal form in wonder, and he tolerates her with kindness and grace. And they are both...............

talking to God.