Crisis at the keyboard continues. I know it is my job to write and the excuse of writer's block is just that. Executives and factory workers are not afforded the luxury of calling in with worker's block. The same principal must apply to me. Discipline lives in the fiery sadness of my soul. The truth of the situation is; if there are no tears in the writer, there will be no tears in the reader. Maybe I can harness this pain into a masterpiece and stop these craven moments that occupy my time.
My current peer group criticism's include the fact I am an adjective maniac (or adjectiveaholic) I already knew this. Yet I throw myself on the mercy of strangers to reitorate. So I am attempting to have a perspective party and put things in to perspective with tonight's blog wafer.
WHY DO WE ALWAYS WAIT?
I dug out the emotions and laid them on the carpet underneath my feet and attempt to tromple them in to some sort of order. No matter how hard I squash them, they keep rising to the surface. I don't want to feel what they have to offer. I don't want the gripping truth to speak aloud but would prefer to live in the fantasy of a miracle cure. I can no longer hold myself to the past and have to feel the future. The future feels like an enemy and speaks to me of the anger of having been a fool and the uncertainty of the tunnel I find myself crawling through with no light at the end that has always been promised.
I don't know who I am and I don't know why.
Tears just come and I am aggrivated at myself for them.
I am raw and have never in my life experienced this wealth of emotional turbulance that propels me every day.
I spent my whole life thinking one way, and am now forced to look in a completely different direction. I have hope mingled in the pain. I am a different person than I was
I feel alive. Why did I wait so long.
1 comment:
I have enjoyed reading your blog. I, too, have faced some life changing experiences recently.
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